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BrotherOfSodwee dressed up as a worm

My parents left for a 3 week vacation to Nicaragua & Costa Rica, crocodile spotting, hiking around volcanos, eating cockroaches and sleeping on banana leaves. Thus leaving BrotherOfSodwee ALONE at home in Paris, France. He’s 19 years old, and of course all the troubles that comes with it ! We’ve all been there at one point. Try to recall the times you got a whole flat/house to yourself, a bunch of wild party tweens and no school what so ever. Dangerous mix I say. So that’s for you Nick, an entire post on how to behave at home while Mum & Dad are walking on red hot ashes scoring some lifelong friendship ties with the locals :

You will :

  • Wash-up everyday
  • Discard your dirty clothes in the linen basket as Mum visually described you countless times
  • Water the plant every two days, not too much, in order to avoid a cataclysm when the owners come back
  • Not have more than 3 guests under the age of 20 at any one point
  • Close the door EVERY time you leave the flat, not only one lock, but ALL 3 of them
  • Close all open windows
  • Go to bed at reasonable hours, before midnight proven to be very restful for your body
  • Update your Mother & Father of any damages on a daily basis, that ranges from the scratch on the wooden floor to flooding the flat because you forgot to put the washing machine output into the drain
  • Refill the fridge with Milk, Yogurts, Cheese and Beers 2 days prior to the owners arriving in Paris
  • Refill the bar in the lounge, because you can’t fool parents on how much is left in a bottle
  • Empty the mail box daily, and arrange them nicely on the kitchen table, in chronological order
  • Pick each and every crumble you scattered around the kitchen floor BEFORE Mum comes back
  • Keep a tally of your household expenses on a sheet of paper, sum it up at the end and ask for refund AS SOON AS Father steps in the flat
  • Be kind to the neighbours
  • Not play the music like you’re at Madison Square Garden
  • Not  talk loud when drinking on the balcony, the sound reverbs to other neighbouring balconies
  • Go to work every day fresh & happy. Hangovers are not tolerated in the Food & Beverage industry
  • Earn enough cash to get yourself out of France
  • Not ride scooters and mopeds around Paris without MY prior approbation
  • Take the tube like everyone else
  • Ride the Velib’ bicycle sharing system on a daily basis
  • Restock the freezer with Dad’s favourite ice-creams, Dim-Sum and green beans.
  • Hoover the flat weekly
  • Change beding weekly
  • Not play Pro Evolution Soccer at 5 o’clock in the morning

I think that’s a good start, remember I have my eyes on you. Otherwise not many things have happened since my 24hr BKK. Oh yeah been to Bombay and back, got a new free DVD from Emirates explaining how to get around the new CBC premises *sigh*. I have looked into getting a driving license here in the UAE, seems cheaper that France, and much shorter in training, which suits me perfectly. I also have weeks of laundry to iron. I have only turnarounds left for this month. Can’t wait for the 27th when our rosters come out and our pay drops in our accounts !! Whoohooo it’s all very exciting…………… NOOOOOOT !

4 comments
  1. hummmmm, You have to understand that I am far more responsable than you in these moments of lonelyness and for the moment I’m doing very good !!!!!!!!!

  2. Nick contrary to all appearances (angelic, butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth, pristine choir boy material, blue- innocent-eyed, meltingly gorgeous looking) and previous track record (too lengthy to mention but there have been some serious first class highs on the scareparentometer…..breaking your arm near the Butte Chaumont when you were supposed to be in school you were 11 at the time, football match PSG boulogne home match you were supposed to be chaperoned by your mates’ father, YOU WERE NOT which I discovered at 9pm ….got back at midnight on the metro, you were 13 at the time, and the list goes on….. ::)) managed this perfectly…….signed A PROUD MOTHER

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